Im with spiritual problem

i asking for help , i want to know about my spiritual future,

i got sick after calling for the devil, i was very healty before i had this stupid ideia, i got sick instantly after call the devil, (i was trying to fool to devil making he believe im bad soh i started to say to the devil that i like him and think things that bad people do like killing people, cuttings treess, raping woman that kind of thing.. the ideia doing that it was that evil thinking im bad would get off him of my way and he wont bother me anymore, but the problem is that i really call the devil, i really think those bad thoughts even hating doing that(im not bad i doesnt like to do it i feel bad for doing this but i did) i did not make harm to no person, i just call the devil to 30 min in a stupid ideia.. boom.. something happened and now im sick and maybe i can go crazy , i dont know if i will go o hell, im afraid of that, im thinking in suicide too but i think this is not the way to solve this problem

i wish you could give me some advice to help me, I'm in trouble, when I was 22 I'm 26 now,I had a stupid idea, I called upon the evil for 30 minutes, So I felt some beings leaping inside me, then that changed my reality, now I feel that there is a barrier between me and the reality,I can not focus on more people in the eye,There is something between me and the reality, I feel as if there are beings inside me which are diverting my attention, and are constantly putting bad thoughts in my mind, I had a crisis three days ago,when I started to think that this world was an illusion,and people(like you, my sister my mom) were these beings, and that my reality did not exist, it was all a bad joke these beings,I was very scared because I know that's not true,but the feeling was very real, I cannot calm me, and that energy is blocking access to love and peace,I can not silence my thoughts and meditate,and I can not have sex,I am contacting you because I know that you are a very spiritual person,and maybe you can give me some advice that can make me better deal with myself in that difficult situations, something that makes me know myself better, so I do not get too scared,you know the conscience better than me, and maybe can give me some relief with your answer,do not want to disturb you and sorry if you feel disturbed, thanks, I'm afraid I'll end up crazy, I'm a good person, I was always gentle and kind, this was the only mistake of my life in a stupid idea

there is a layer covering all of my reality
prevents me from feeling the good stuff
I can not feel the magic of life
As the rays of the sun, the freshness of a breeze, or the taste of water
the sunlight is different and it's not the same
a negative light on the set(in the place of purity) that contained all of purity
negative light that resembles a positive light but it's different
until the colors have changed now gained a metallic appearance
when I close my eyes I can not feel inside of me alone
feel like an evil being inside me that is disturbing my thoughts
and he did not let me think anything positive
I cannot feel anything good or kindness or love or the freshness of the air
when I'm around people I feel as if I hated them and wished to kill them
and when I try to pray
I feel a negative voice out of my mouth saying the opposite of what I'm praying saying negative things
god i love you ( god i hate you)
And when I pray I feel negativity taking over me
I can not meditate or mute my thoughts
I can not pay attention on my breath, because I feel I am disconnected from it, like a glass wall that prevents me to connect myself with my breathing
I can not feel my soul through my body again, as if all empty hollow
mainly in the hand and feet
I can not have sex because when I try to feel i have a horrible feeling(homosexual like feeling) evil feeling, and they make me make me want to vomit
when i make sex, i feel weak,
the noises around me seem to sound like people plotting my murder
I am very ill and sick, afraid of hurting someone
im a good person i dont want to go to hell
or animal realm
I wonder what I can do not to reincarnate in these realms of suffering, just wanted to be able to return to the human realm to try again the path to nirvana
Sometimes I hear voices calling me names of several names, and I have the feeling when people arfe around me talking, that they are crying because someone hurt them

I'm losing touch with reality, and I can go crazy in a few months,

Sometimes I feel a power of evil taking over me, and then I feel the evil energy giving me energy(making me strong and giving me false happiness)

I'm too afraid, do not know what to do, sorry if I'm bothering you I just wanted to know what will happen to me

I was once a Buddhist church, but their energy very strong, I could not get even a minute there and I could not see the people, feeling foggy

Please i need advice for spiritual master, everyword of help i will say thanks very much, im in real trouble, everything tha helps me understand my process myself, and whats is happening spiritualy inside of me thanks everybody

Pranam,

Please do know, I dont see evil, devil..... bla bla....... jumping any where on or above you. Only I see a peaceful and powerful soul, a Sadhak in you. Now reaching God or omnipresence, omniscence is very very easy (the easiest thing in all) and you have reached HIM millions of times, and shall, billion times in comming time and space for eternity, just that in different level of perception and understanding manifest different realizations . I know so, that you are there and shall be beyond to higher and higher magnitude of understandings and realization. A 5 year old child can only invoke a chocolate not a BMW car, but in time and with growth can surely invoke that BMW in coming days. Mean while the child should enjoy the chocolate and all its flovurs and taste and be tuely happy, and not worry for the future. As a fruit is palletable only when ripen, so do spiritually is enjoyed when the soul realization is ripened. Wish you well.

Replies

Lok B. Pradhan July 16, 2010 at 4:59pm

If you can dream and not make dreams your master,
If you can think and not make thoughts your aim,
Then yours is the world and everything that's in it and what's more ----- you'll be a Man, My Son !
SWAMI SHIVANANDA.
Chandan Bandyopadhyay July 16, 2010 at 9:21am

Pranam,

Please do know, I dont see evil, devil..... bla bla....... jumping any where on or above you. Only I see a peaceful and powerful soul, a Sadhak in you. Now reaching God or omnipresence, omniscence is very very easy (the easiest thing in all) and you have reached HIM millions of times, and shall, billion times in comming time and space for eternity, just that in different level of perception and understanding manifest different realizations . I know so, that you are there and shall be beyond to higher and higher magnitude of understandings and realization. A 5 year old child can only invoke a chocolate not a BMW car, but in time and with growth can surely invoke that BMW in coming days. Mean while the child should enjoy the chocolate and all its flovurs and taste and be tuely happy, and not worry for the future. As a fruit is palletable only when ripen, so do spiritually is enjoyed when the soul realization is ripened. Wish you well.
Chandan Bandyopadhyay July 15, 2010 at 12:13pm

Pranam,

If any one can just lit a candel every day early morning on the sun rise, sit peacefully and look at the flame. Knowing that flame is he or she, and is as pure as that primodal fire. That all........! The more one keep on doing this, sooner one shall find the truth about self and the future.

Rest about the devil, if one can invoke evil can surely invore God faster than it took to invoke evil. So then invoke God.

No one can help any one but you can help yourself, just knowing the true yourself and work towards truth.
- Aleksei finageiv peixoto > Chandan Bandyopadhyay July 15, 2010 at 4:52pm
  
  i try to invoke god, but when i invoked evil some energy jumped inside of me, and this energy have blocked my acess to god! like something muting my voice!
  im to afraind!

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