MEETING MYSELF by “Aatmanum”
this blog is written by” Aatmanum” who went through the wonderful experience
Not much time has passed, when I used to witness myself as a VICTIM!! Victim of situations, victim of betrayal, victim of emotional abuse, victim of lost identity! I was indeed a mess of broken dreams, negative thoughts, befuddled emotions and toppled actions, with nowhere to go.
Who was I?
So lost!! So unsure!!
Indifference and ignorance were all I wore!!
He made me meet myself
However, one fine day, fortunately enough, I met Guruji, which was proven to be the turning point in my life. He was a ray of hope, amidst the darkness I was wandering and drowning into. He made me meet myself. He showed me the ways that lead me to my true self. Every single meeting with him cleared the haziness and decluttered my thoughts. He gave me an insight into who I am, what I really want, where I am coming from and where I am intending to go.
Then, came an Angel!!
Looking at me, he smiled!!
“Bechain” is what you are, my child!!
Could I be more agreeing with him??
Naah!! Since I was fighting, what he called, an inner-war!!!
Yes, my Angel was right. Every time unconsciously, I was relating myself to other people, focusing on their view about me, living my life their way, trying to fix them instead of myself. Ignoring my own strengths, I was comparing myself to others. I was living for them and not for myself, I was letting them control my emotions and dictate my life. I was victimizing myself and was so scared to take the accountability of my actions. I was berating and criticizing myself and was totally functioning on the self-loathing mode.
Holding my hand lovingly and guiding me through,
Angel kept telling me, “It is right there inside you!!”
“Naïve that you are, I am waiting for the time you‘ll be able to see from afar!!”
“I am Braham!! I am enough!!“
Time elapsed, Guruji taught me more about myself and cleared every single doubt I turn towards him with. He helped me see my potentials as well as weaknesses, making me realize, ”I am Braham!! I am enough!!”
Recently, Guruji asked and guided me to face my higher/ real self; my soul, initially, I was a little scared to do. But the trust I had on my Angel and the self confidence he helped me inculcate in myself, inspired me to jumped in for the experience.
“Meet her!! This is the Real YOU”, said angel one day!!
Skeptical a bit, I met HER (Oh! As if I had any other way!!)
Looking closely and thoughtfully, the REAL ME trolled..
“Bounding yourself!…So much afraid you are of being Controlled??!!!”
Shocked by the realization, there I was, sitting curled up and fist-balled!!
Slowly I accepted what my soul was trying to tell me!!!
Moving me from victim’s position,
And seconding my soul,
Said my angel, ”haven’t I been telling you all along?”
“My child, its Self-treason.”
Guruji helped me recognize my fears and limitations that I am consciously and unconsciously carrying with myself as a baggage. He taught me to look beyond those fears and break all the boundaries that are impeding me from reaching my goals.
Guided by my soul and holding Angel’s hand, yet again!
I gathered all my fears and threw them in a deep, far-away drain!!
Fire!! Fire of self confidence! Fire of self knowledge! Fire of wisdom! ignited
Relieving me of all the pain!!
Never had I ever thought,
Black could be so liberating and fire could be so secure to be in…
Colorful world was all I was thriving to live-in…
Not realizing, it has always been there….
The Black, which I was so afraid to face…
was my REAL-SELF waiting for me to become aware!!!
They asked, “Why black? Don’t you know it’s the color of mourning and death?”
Smiling, I said, “Yes!! And you know what died…
MY NEGATIVE SELF!” (took its last breath)
That day I promised myself to always live my life with a deeper sense of purpose and in alignment with my soul. The destination might still be hazy and far away, but I pledge to enjoy the entire journey until I reach there.
Yogasth Vidya Rishikesh
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